Not Just Fun, But Love
by wisegirl1800
Summary: 'It was fun. It was daring. It was quick and fast-paced. It was indefinitely Dauntless. It was theirs. It was their secret. It was love. It was over.' What Marlene and Lynn shared was special and they both fought the effects of both having it and losing it. R


It was fun. It was daring. It was quick and fast-paced. It was indefinitely Dauntless. It was theirs. It was their secret. It was love.

It was over.

Before, they had both been naïve Dauntless born kids whom believed that nothing stood in their way. They had still preached the lies their faction taught them, that Dauntless were unbeatable and always took what they wanted, even when the world stood in their way.

When they interlaced hands under the table at meal times they had both felt stronger. They had had a partner; they had been taking on the world together, not without taking a few risks along the way but all for a cause, all for the right thing; all for them.

When they had run down the hallway, barefoot and in the middle of the night, pausing every now and then to exchange a stolen kiss they had felt cunning, for they had been sneaking, ducking, and running, all in search of the perfect place to hide away. They couldn't leave for very long but tucked away in tiny conclaves, when it was just them, together and connected and intense, it was worth it.

They had believed they were corrupted and hardened and tough like their relatives and the relatives of their friends. They had been innocent.

Their innocence peaked through their leather and piercings in the way that they ate the chocolate cake they had acquired (without permission) from the kitchens so quickly that they got it all over themselves; then busied themselves licking the icing off of each other's noses and giggling all the while. Later, when the holes in their resolves had been hardened, they rarely enjoyed the delicacy and never away from the dinner table.

Marlene had loved her own hair dearly but she had had a special place in her heart for Lynn's delicate golden locks. She had the habit if playing with the other girl's hair when she rested her head in her lap; to her everything about it was perfect and serene. When Lynn fell asleep resting in her lap Marlene had wished her life never to change, she was content to stay in that position forever, an innocent intimacy.

The first change was when Lynn shaved her hair off. She hadn't told Marlene. She had walked into Marlene's bedroom and neither girl had said a word. Marlene had merely offered a small smile wordlessly inviting Lynn to lie down on the bed. They had spent the afternoon listening to old records. As Lynn was drifting in and out of the haze of sleep she felt a kiss being pressed into her bare head, she had felt something small splash on top of it.

She had not said anything. Instead she chose to remain acting as if she were innocent of feeling anything. Though both girls saw the physical change and awaited the emotional one. They both knew which day was coming and what followed that event, the choosing ceremony.

On the train after the ceremony neither girl felt relieved, only trepidatious, for they knew that the worst was yet to come. They sat next to each other, neither sharing their fears with anyone, smiling, acting excited, as they knew they should and talking loudly to a grinning Uriah about just when they would make plans to go zip lining.

It hadn't happened loudly, it hadn't happened dramatically, and it hadn't happened publicly. You can't have theatrics for something that didn't exist in the first place, at least to the people who would have been the audience had everything gone different.

It was done with three simple gestures.

It was done with Marlene leaving to sit on the other side of the table, next to Uriah instead of her usual seat next to Lynn. Lynn had never been one to say when something someone did or said bothered her and continued her meal as if nothing had happened. Though as her hand stayed in her lap the rest of the meal, it felt colder than usual. And she began to doubt whether or not a single Dauntless could really take on the world for the reward of one thing, even if it was, all they had ever wanted.

It was done with Lynn left standing all alone by the Chasm one night standing watching the water. To anyone it would look like she has simply come by in a leisurely midnight stroll prompted by a bout of insomnia. Only two people knew, one of them Lynn, and one of them lying awake staring at the ceiling a weight on her chest, that she had been waiting, waiting for the friend who would never appear to greet her.

It was done with careful time management and a kiss. Lynn, though a Dauntless, had the perfect time management skills equal to that which those in Erudite possessed. Every morning she left breakfast at 7:45. That morning had been no different. As she turned down the hall outside of the dining area she saw Marlene lean up and press her lips against those of Uriah. She had then pulled away and got off the tops of her toes still looking at Uriah. Though she had then turned at made eye-contact with Lynn before turning back, leaning up again and reconnecting her lips with his.

They only ever spoke of everything that happened once. They had spoken in four words.

"Why." Lynn had whispered the next day.

"I can't anymore." Was all Marlene had to offer.

They had continued as if nothing had ever been. Though, they both repeated that three-word-answer to themselves over and over and over again. Lynn did so in sadness and anger and frustrated curiosity. Marlene did the same as a constant mantra, reminding herself that she could not relapse into the dangerous drug that was desire and love when there was work to be done.

So there was two of them, separate, not united. Two Dauntless, two separate entities taking on the same world. They not only fought the world but their own self-control and free will to remain alone and not attempt to join hands again, a united force that they knew could keep the world at bay.

One day, a battle was lost, with a little bit of help of course, self -control was gone. Though this control, this control did not want to do what the controlled longed for and had fought so hard against the instinct of doing but what the controller wanted done.

And so that left one girl all alone fighting the battle against the world. Although it was fabled that a Dauntless could take on the world, the same cannot be said for a girl only left with one half of a whole. This girl, she had very little time for she was also in the midst of a battle with her own mind. One day she was lost in her own mind when a shot rang out from behind. As she took a fighting stance and spun around that shot fly towards her and brought her down.

And the last thing she knew, the last thing she wanted to do was to tell other people so they realized it too. So with one last breath, before her lips turned blue she declared to the world, "I loved Marlene, too."


End file.
